There is danger in blaming others.

The danger of blaming others does not lie in whether the blame is warranted or whether something has indeed gone wrong. It's not about whether the blame is true or false.

The real danger is that blame is not helpful.

Even when our blame is justified, it can lead us to overvalidate our reasons for not being where we want to be in life. This overvalidation placates us, giving us a sense of righteousness that can keep us stuck and prevent us from taking meaningful action. If we want something and blame our circumstances for why we don't have it, we risk using that blame as a shield, justifying our inaction.

Blame, whether directed at others or at circumstances, offers little value on a personal level. There is a place for blame in the justice system, in understanding where things have gone wrong, and in determining what responsibilities may have been neglected. However, outside of these contexts, my greatest concern with blame is that we often use it as an excuse.

For example, someone might say, "I wasn't born under these circumstances, so I cannot follow my dream." Or, "This person abused me as a child, so I cannot have a fulfilling life." Or even, "I was born with this disease, so I cannot achieve a certain level of health."

The danger is not in acknowledging that these injustices or injuries have occurred. Let's consider a physical disability—perhaps it's true that being born without the use of one's legs would prevent someone from becoming a professional basketball player. It certainly makes exercising much harder, creating a massive additional barrier with all the modifications needed just to exercise at a basic level. But if health and exercise are a priority, blaming the circumstance can hold us back. It could lead someone to give up on physical health altogether.

Instead of blaming, we can shift our approach to one of acknowledgment. We can acknowledge our limitations. We can honor them, not by pretending they do not exist or by assuming we're on the same level playing field as others, but by recognizing them fully. Shifting from blame to acknowledgment allows us to de-energize the negativity of a blaming mindset and settle into a posture of empathy. We can have compassion for our limitations and acknowledge that things are harder for us.

I have often thought about this in my own life, especially in the context of growing up in an immigrant family with a rocky financial upbringing. I used to blame my circumstances, feeling frustrated that I did not have as much financial ease and opportunity as my peers. Raised in an affluent town in Southern California, I was surrounded by kids with more means—for private schooling, tutoring, international vacations, and art and music lessons. I remember my teenage years, wanting but not being able to afford educational resources to help me get into college or deepen my skills. It felt unfair. The teenage me was frustrated.

The reality is that the circumstance was indeed unfair. It was not fair that I had fewer financial opportunities than my peers or that I had a less stable upbringing. It's also plenty unfair that there are others in the world with far worse circumstances, with hardly any access to a computer. For most of us, it can get worse than where it's at. There is infinite room for both upward and downward comparison.

The fact that a circumstance is unfair—or seemingly so—does not help us much. It is a truth of life, yes. We can dance with this truth, try to persuade it, or catalyze it into something else within our realm of influence. We can take steps to make things more fair for ourselves and others, create social programs, or make simple contributions of our time to assist ourselves and others. But the larger things in life—the inherent unfairness of getting the cards you're dealt and not others—are outside our control. They warrant acceptance. Blame is resistance.

Don't resist. Are there things in life that you've blamed, things you've used as an excuse to hold you back? Are there frustrations you're grappling with now that you could shift from blame to acknowledgment and eventually to acceptance?