Connecting with others is a practice—it’s a skill that can grow or atrophy.

I’m a natural extrovert, but lately, I’ve noticed myself pulling back. I used to be voraciously curious about people. Now, I often hesitate to start a conversation with a stranger.

And the less I engage, the harder it gets. My connection muscles weaken. Social anxiety creeps in. I become overly focused on my own world.

That’s not where I want to land. Even when I don’t feel like connecting, I want to stay skillful. I know that deep down, I do love connection—I just forget how to start.

Here’s where I get stuck:
What do I ask?
What do I say?
How do I keep the conversation going when my brain blanks?

This is why I’ve started building a backup plan: a small set of go-to questions I can reach for in any situation. They don’t have to be brilliant. They just have to open a door.

Here are a few that work for me:

• “What’s something you’re excited about right now?”
• “Have you had a really good conversation recently? What made it good?”
• “What’s a place you’ve been to that surprised you?”

You can tailor yours by context—social vs. professional, light vs. deep—but the point is: don’t rely on the moment to inspire you. Have your questions ready.

Questions are keys. They unlock stories, moments, and the spark of connection. And when connection feels hard, it helps to have your keys close at hand.

We don’t always feel like reaching out. But when we act anyway, even in small ways, something shifts. A question is a small gesture—but sometimes, it’s enough to open the door.