When we raise a child, we sacrifice a big part of ourselves.

I am not a parent, so I claim only vicarious authority from the stories of many friends who are new parents. Child-rearing is all-consuming; it takes up all your time, and often, a significant part of your identity. The only scenarios I’ve seen where parents can still engage with their community involve large sums of money spent on childcare or supportive family arrangements.

When we raise a child, we can lose ourselves. When we give up so much—when we dedicate nearly all our time to a role, when all of our actions are directed toward aiding this child—we risk effacing ourselves in service of our family. This is a beautiful and noble thing, but it can also leave people in identity crises or emotional turmoil.

Keeping a part of ourselves alive is crucial. The sacrifice may be inevitable in most cases, but preserving at least a small part of ourselves—whether in memory, in practice, or in spirit—is key to avoiding a personal crisis.

I think of it like a bread culture. When we make bread, we take a piece of the culture—we rip it away from the whole to create something new. As long as we don’t use the entire culture, the original will grow back.

Perhaps we are the same when we enter parenthood. We give up so much of ourselves for a period of time, but as long as we keep that small part of ourselves alive, we can begin to cultivate our identities back into life.

We cut a piece of ourselves to bring and raise someone into life. And when the time allows, we can regrow ourselves—we can cultivate our identity back into its fuller form.