Hold firmly but not tightly. Listen for when to loosen.

There’s always a push and pull of energy in relationships. Every idea, every invitation, every share is an offering—an invitation to receive, reject, or respond.

When you say, “Let’s hang out,” or “Let’s do this project”—what comes back? Agreement? Silence? Real enthusiasm? Are they building off your energy or letting it dissipate?

These are subtle cues—clues to how someone’s really feeling beneath the surface. You can start to feel this dance in small moments—like when you suggest hanging out or pitch a new idea.

When I offer something—an idea, or just a chance to hang out—I notice myself wondering how they actually feel, especially when the response is a soft yes. Without an exchange—some rallying of the idea, some collaboration on what to do next—the interaction feels one-sided. It’s like embers dimming—not extinguished, just fading without fuel. It is easier to let something burn to its end than snuff it out.

That quiet non-response—no effort, no spark—can be painful. It’s not outright rejection, but it’s somewhere on that spectrum. So what do we do with that feeling?

Here’s what I’ve started to explore.

1. Sometimes, I try to be direct—make the invitation clear and solid. It helps clarify whether they’ll actually show up. That might mean doing more up front—making it easy for them to say yes. The risk is that it becomes a friendship of convenience—where they’re happy to connect, but only if you’re the one doing all the work.
2. Or, I just loosen the grip. If it feels like they’re not that into it, I stop pouring energy in. The more I push, the more it starts to feel like control. And that energy can be oppressive, even if unintentional. No need to force anything here. Just loosen your grip and let things happen when they happen.

Listening is more art than science. Everyone has a style—there’s rarely a right answer. Like in music, the best moments happen when everyone’s really listening.

When we’re attuned to one another—even if it means stepping back—we create a more beautiful tapestry together.

Remember: firmness brings clarity, not control. Listen for when to let go.