Questions are the key to interdiscovery.

Choose your questions wisely. They are what open the gates to each other's hearts and minds. The quality of the question precedes the quality of the answer, and a masterfully crafted question, right for the moment and space, can pierce through superficialities and access the real parts of us.

Often, to get an answer we want, it is best not to ask directly. Going through the front door works sometimes, but often the side doors are where real access lies. If I want to get to know someone, I could ask them directly, "Who are you?" "What kind of person are you?" or "What are your best qualities?" These are tough questions to answer — and there are guards at the front door. Someone may not want to be judged, or they may not know what to say. You likely won't get a quality answer on average.

Here's where a creative approach can serve us. When getting to know a new friend over tea, the quality of her questions struck me. Instead of asking, "What kind of person are you?" she asked, "If someone close to you were to describe you, what would they say about you? Humility out the window."

Amazing question — instead of conjuring, assessing ourselves, and filtering, we can simply recall what someone close has reflected back to us. The question disarms us because it's a friend who is saying it, not us. We can do less assessing and instead recall something. Someone can get to know us through someone else's eyes, someone who may often see us better than we can see ourselves.

Direct questions, of course, are not all bad — there are ways to dress them that may make them more fun and approachable. Instead of asking "Who are you?" or "What do you do?" we can ask questions (if we're speaking to someone named Michelle) like "What's the Michelle 101?" or we could ask, "How do you like to spend your time?" These are direct and open-ended, outside the standard routinized etiquette of questions like "How are you?" or "What do you do?" and yet not too far or deep like "What is your deepest, darkest desire?" (Ask this at your own risk.)

Crafting the right question is what paves the path to connecting us to one another. It is the cutting down of the tall grass between us, the paving of the way, the creation of connection.

Maybe you can relate. What are some powerful questions that people have asked you, the ones that have really opened you up? What are your favorite questions to ask?