You invite someone to coffee three times. They say no, or they ghost you. That’s your answer.

People's titles, accolades, and personas show us only a thin layer of who they are.

We can never fully know someone's inner world nor their character. Actions, however, are the fruit of that inner world—and what we can use to infer who someone is.

Getting to know someone is a process of long-form observation. We rarely know what chapter someone’s in—what they’re juggling, recovering from, or growing into.

But when a pattern—a repeated behavior—emerges, we learn something.

Three times, that's your answer.

And more important than knowing is how we can accept who they are and respond.

There are plenty of times that I've been frustrated with a friend or family member. They keep doing that damn thing that drives me nuts. They show up late. They don't respond to texts. They get upset when I criticize Marvel movies.

Sometimes we keep knocking on the door, hoping something will change. But if they don’t respond—three times—that’s your answer.

They’re not interested or not available. Either way, move on. Now you know.

Sometimes the answer means walking away. Other times, it just means adjusting your expectations.

Even in a business engagement, if you see that someone is a bad communicator, three times and that's your answer. I had this issue with an accountant. Miscommunication after miscommunication. I stepped up to clear things up. After the third time, that was my answer. I either accept that they’re not great at communicating and following through—or I move on.

This phrase "three times, that's your answer" is an axiom that offers freedom from a nagging hope. Maybe they'll change. Maybe this time it'll work.

That kind of hope creates emotional drag—it tethers us to a version of reality that isn’t changing.

Remember that not all hope is healthy. Collect your data, make your observation, and move forward.

Three times is enough to know a behavior is here to stay. Don't get caught in the drag of it.

Three times. That's your answer.