Your anger is your problem.

Anger towards someone is like drinking a poison and hoping someone else will die. Trite or not, the aphorism holds its ground. Prolonged anger elevates our stress levels and can damage the liver, increase blood pressure, and weaken the immune system.

Anger has its place. It is welcome among us, to do its job and pass through quickly. It upholds boundaries, it fights injustice, it keeps us alive. We should embrace our anger—but only for a short lifecycle, not for extended periods.

There are some folks in my community who have said things to me that upset me. They represent those who have had an easy life, live with great wealth, and seem to lack empathy for the experiences of others. They are judgmental. While they engage in community activities, they appear divorced from other people's struggles. They say money is merely a mindset, take lavish vacations to Italy, and tell others that finances aren’t a real concern when having a child in the Bay Area. For the sake of this post, I'm trying to keep it general and a bit hyperbolic.

The thing is, they're not villains. Even if it's true that they lack empathy, have led easy lives, and don't appreciate their wealth, it doesn’t matter. My frustration with them is my issue and my responsibility. My villainization of them may have some truth, but the vast majority of my reaction is a trauma response. It’s not an objective reality.

If someone says something unempathetic, judgmental, or ignorant, let them. As long as they don’t have power over you or aren’t materially harming others from a position of power, the anger response is better transmuted into grace. Call it out in the moment or let it go. Recognize their capacity and move on.

They are on their own journey and have their own learning curves. We are no different in that sense.

Here's my growth edge: continuing to interact with these folks in community while staying calm. When I see these folks, I feel uneasy. And yet, they are active in my community. Do I abandon my community to avoid the bad feelings? Is the solution exposure therapy: keep interacting until it’s not a bother? Or somewhere in between—be in community but interact minimally?

I don't know the answer yet. What I do know is that I fully own the anger—not only as a responsibility but as a reality. There is no other entity that is moved by my unexpressed anger. My anger is mine to soothe, to tame, to heal.

When we have anger, it is best to move it through—via exercise, art, or our expression of choice. It cannot sit still in us. It must move through.

What will you do to move anger through you?