Always get their number first.

When you're negotiating a deal, it's always better to have the other party state their number. I can't tell you how many times I've overshot or undershot a deal. Every time I've wished I just found out their number first so I can gauge what's feasible.

But let's be real: the game is played both ways. Most folks want you to state your number first. They may overshoot or undershoot as well. And then you're the one on the hook to adjust.

These days, I usually state what I want to make a deal a hell yes for me. But that's often not reflective of the market. On the one hand, it's great for my sanity -- it keeps me out of deals that would leave me resentful. On the other hand, I may miss downstream opportunity by gating myself from deals closer to market rate.

I've seen this case in both software and music settings. I tend to shoot higher on software because, for most projects, I won't be doing it for the pure joy. I'm looking for financial upside more than anything. The inverse is true for music. The market rate is usually never worth more than what I can get for a software project, so the gigs are never purely about the money. As a result, I tend to accept lower offers.

I've been thinking a lot about a middle man approach -- a manager or an official "rates" page where I am no longer the one sharing the information. Someone or something else is doing the negotiation for me. If structured correctly, it can set a certain bar with margin for negotiation. The important thing is to always know your minimum.

Either way, the playbook I learned is to always get the other party's number first. It may not work out for each instance, but in the longrun of instances, you'll find plenty of deals where they'll shoot out a number higher than you would have offered. That range of probability makes it worth getting them to state their offer first.