Repeated exposure and ease of exposure are key ingredients for budding friendships and maintaining them.

New friendships are like saplings—fragile and in need of extra care. They haven’t yet grown strong enough to weather storms. They require the right balance of sunlight, water, and nutritious soil to thrive.

In schools and colleges, friendships often form effortlessly. Seeing the same group daily and sharing experiences makes building bonds second nature. But when we transition into adulthood, the dynamic shifts. Workplaces rarely offer the same safety net as schools, and adult lives quickly fill with responsibilities and commitments. So, how do we grow and maintain our circle of friends when we no longer see them every day?

For me, ease is front of mind. Is it easy enough for a friend to meet? Most people won’t drive an hour for coffee just to chat about life’s little things. But if it’s only a 10-minute drive? That’s far more likely.

The hang has to either be worth it or easy. If the hang involves something valuable—like advancing a career, sparking a creative collaboration, or engaging in a meaningful discussion—it might justify an hour-long trip. Otherwise, it’s about finding ways to make the connection seamless.

One strategy is coupling the hang with a life priority. Can you meet up while working out? Bring your kids along so they can socialize too? Take your dogs for a walk together? When a hangout serves dual purposes, it becomes easier to justify.

Regular community gatherings can be the pinnacle of easy and repeated exposure. Think of church, music jams, festivals, or neighborhood events. These allow you to connect with multiple people in one go—people you’d likely want to see anyway. Plus, they help ease the process of forming new friendships. By seeing someone repeatedly in a low-pressure environment, you can grow a bond without stepping entirely outside your routine.

It’s natural to feel uneasy about friendships needing to be convenient or tied to other priorities. I feel it too, and maybe you do as well. Perhaps this reflects a broader societal issue. But for now, my focus is on working with the reality of our busy lives rather than seeking to revolutionize it.

So, the next time you think about fostering a new connection or refreshing an old one, ask yourself: Where can ease fit into this friendship? How can you integrate your connections more seamlessly into your life?

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