How can we know ourselves?

Know thyself, an underpinning of seemingly all religious and spiritual practices. But how? How do we know ourselves?

I have been coming to know myself through meditation. Awareness and silence join together, and the inevitable wanderings of the mind surface memories and thoughts I could not access with the noise of day to day life. Memories I thought were gone forever reemerge, and I remember where I came from. Evaluations of the world or thoughts of my present condition bubble up clearly without interference. I am able to see who I am through the silence.

We can also know ourselves through action, through setting ourselves to a goal or to engagement with others. We see how others affect us, what emotions come to us when we interact with others. Pleasant, unpleasant, we can observe our likes and dislikes from how the world affects us.

I often think... if I do not like who I am or aspects of who I am, how far do I lean into awareness, or how far do I push into change? If I observe an ugly thought — a judgement against another, hatred for a circumstance, a sense of victimization — what do I do with that thought? I wish to purify my mind from these “negative” feelings and emotions, not because I consider them immoral but I know they are dangerous. They lead to pain, depression, harm to myself or to my loved ones.

I imagine the process of purifying the mind of these thoughts is at the confluence of acceptance and persistent action towards change. I must first accept who I am in the moment. I may be angry, I may be sad, I may be judgemental. Ok, so that is who I am in the moment. I accept.

Then I may say, I wish to purify myself from these maladies of the mind. I will chart my path to “healing” or to changing these thoughts. This seems more an exercise of the left brain — a logical operation for how to create habits or practices that create greater happiness. We know the basics of the drill — sufficient sleep, exercise, socialization, etc.

I have noticed too that sometimes awareness alone is sufficient — at least through meditation. I can be aware of a thought or feeling. It comes and it goes. I accept and it is processed. It may require follow up action — maybe I realize I no longer like my living situation and want to move. Ok, I am aware now and will make plans to move.

But some things cannot be directly acted upon — maybe I have resentment for something that happened to me in my past. Maybe a person or circumstance wronged me, but there is no material action I can take to get “justice” for the damages done to me. So what do I do?

I don't claim to have a definitive or prescriptive answer, but I have seen a great abatement of sticky, persistent negative emotions when I allow them to emerge in the context of awareness. I do not focus on them directly. I follow the practice of observing the breath or scanning the body, paying attention to the subtlest sensations I can observe. The mind wanders and an ugly emotion may rear its head, feeling itself safe in the silence. And then with time, the emotion passes — often never to return again.

I am very new to a more committed practice of meditation, so I do not know how this practice plays out long term. I anticipate negative emotions emerge from a generative source that cannot be eliminated — we can only do our best to keep that source pure enough to limit our negative emotions. Or better yet, to accept whatever negative emotions emerge and allow them to release.

We can accept that negative emotions cannot — and better not — be eliminated. We can accept that they emerge and need a path to exit the mind and the body freely.