Processing is cyclical.

When we go through a difficult or traumatic experience, processing it is never linear. It's mostly cyclical, with waves returning at either lower or higher intensities.

Deriving reason, story, or logic from these cycles is an elusive task. After a breakup, you might feel waves of grief. Perhaps over time, those waves lessen in intensity, only for another massive wave to surprise you with intense emotion. We don't know when the processing ends; we only know that with time and care, they can mend.

Whenever I am hit by difficult emotions, I find it best not to judge or force those feelings out of existence. I think of Rumi's Guest House, where each emotion must be treated as an honorable guest. They are here for a time; let us treat them with honor. A good host also knows that the hosting must end. Guests are visitors, not residents. They may stay, but not as long as they please. We must treat them well, but not give them a permanent home.

Taking a more psychological lens, I recall the best definition I've heard of a healthy emotional state: one that can feel the full range and spectrum of emotions and allow them to pass fully through. Emotions do not get stuck, stagnate, or become trapped energy in the body. This is emotional health.

For some of us, myself included, not all emotions pass through on the first try. There are some that stick with me—emotions that recur and are part of that cyclical nature. I like to think that each time they emerge, there's an opportunity to release a little more, allowing a difficult experience to be fully processed. I do not know how many cycles it will take, but I trust it is not infinite.