What if self-sabotage is just a form of taking back control?

The reason we self-sabotage ourselves out of a good situation—whether it's a relationship, a job, or some other kind of opportunity—is often so that we can have the certainty of knowing.

Knowing what, exactly? That the outcome will match the story we already believe.

You have narratives in your head that say: I'm not good enough. They'll always leave me. The world is unfair. No one will ever promote me. Everybody else is lucky but me.

But maybe those narratives are self-fulfilling prophecies. Maybe we unconsciously do things that make those beliefs come true.

Maybe you sleep in a little too late and miss that important call.
Maybe you become so anxious in your relationship that you keep asking for validation—over and over—until it tires your partner out.
Maybe you say no to an opportunity because you think you're not good enough, even though you're totally qualified and someone else invited you in.

These self-sabotaging behaviors are, in an ironic way, evolutionary adaptations.

They're your brain trying to protect you from uncertainty. From not knowing what success might look like. From the new challenges that come with playing at a new level. From the risk of being someone new.

And perhaps—too often—from not knowing who or what you are beyond the stories your mind tells you.

It’s trying to protect you from the uncertainty of a metamorphosis into something you do not yet know.

And here is yet another opportunity for surrender:
For learning to tell your mind that it will be okay.
For learning to sit and steer through discomfort—through uncertainty.

Easier said than done, of course. But awareness is the first step.