Sometimes I think about the Oreo challenge, that recently debunked psychological study that asserts children who are able to resist the temptation to take a second cookie after the research coordinator leaves the room end up performing better in life. The study suggested that students with greater willpower, with the ability to delay gratification, were ultimately more successful in life (whatever that means).

I have delayed gratification for most of my life. There's always something I'm enduring now for the promise of a better future. I'll stay in SF because it's convenient, even though the weather bothers me. I'll keep my coding jobs so that I can one day pursue music as a financially free man. I'll live with varying degrees of mediocrity for a better future.

On the one hand, there's merit in the ability to patiently endure for a brighter future. One the other, I start questioning when I'll actually be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I'm currently trying to mix things I love with my obligations. Sometimes I go out to a beautiful vista and do my music practice routines there. I'll code from a cafe instead of at home all day. The variety helps.

I tend to max out on work until I can't work any longer — it's like I'm training for burnout. But to be honest, I'm not habituating to other ways. I'll do self care, take breaks here and there, but I find it challenging to abate the anxiety of an endless to do list.

It sometimes feels like I'm on a treadmill that will never end. And sometimes I get tired and want to run on a real trail.