Definitions can get in our way.

Let's put on our woo hats. Think about manifesting your perfect partner in life. You write down all their qualities, their disposition, what they look like, how they make you feel, the whole thing. You're setting yourself up to meet your perfectly crafted love.

But what if you don't actually know what you need? You think you want all these qualities, but when you get them, you still feel something is off. Oops.

There is a balance between direction and surrender. This is a principle in many religious traditions—pray to God for what you want, but know it is His will if you do not receive what you asked for. Surrender to what life brings, particularly to those things that are out of your control, especially when you've tried your best.

The dance between direction and surrender should be to the music of confirmation. Listen to the music. Listen to when you hear a confirmation.

Confirmation, a concept I know from the Bahá'í Writings, is a guiding force. Here's my shot at a concise definition: confirmation is when you do your best and hear a yes or a no. When you knock on a door and it opens easily, that can be confirmation. If it stays locked, that's also confirmation—showing that this particular door is not the path. Do not force it open, even if you theoretically can. Follow the flow and trust in where easeful actions take you.

Define what you want. Follow it. See what doors confirmation opens. Listen to what confirmation tells your gut and your heart. Surrender when what you want isn't what you need—or isn't what you get.

Easier said than done, of course—I’m guilty of frustration when I don't get what I want. Learning to love what is real while holding aspiration for something else simultaneously is a skill. It is a delicate act to ensure aspirations do not pollute the present. And yet they can live in harmony when we become skillful in our surrender.

Next time you dance with direction and surrender, look for the confirmations. Listen closely. Where is it leading you?