We often think getting to know someone means sitting across from them over coffee — asking questions, sharing updates. A mini interview. But connection doesn’t always work like that.

Deepening a relationship isn’t always a direct pursuit — connection is often sparked by shared contexts, not just conversations.

Some of my friendships have gotten stuck in the death-spiral of coffee catch-ups — circling in updates and old stories, never really moving forward.

That’s not to say there’s no place for the coffee catch-up, the wind-down — some relationships live on those rituals.

But some of the deepest connection happens when you’re just doing something together. A hike. A show. A class. The shared context is a vehicle to connect through — not just talk about.

This idea came back into my world yesterday when I went on a hike with some friends. We had richer conversations on the drive to the Valais mountains than in any coffee shop.. Walking up the mountain spurred all sorts of random chats and moments — from silly jokes to fascination over blue butterflies we’d never seen before.

Those shared moments felt like small deposits into our friendship’s collective bank account.

One thing struck me in particular: one of my friends mentioned that he had OCD tendencies that took up a lot of his mental real estate. But in the mountains, he felt clear and at home. No compulsions, no obsessions. It’s where he felt at peace.

Different environments help us feel — and relate — differently. If we feel more at home in the mountains or at a show, we naturally reveal different parts of ourselves. And we let others in.

This was a gentle reminder: connection doesn’t always come from conversation.

Sometimes, it’s the trail — not the talk — that brings us closer.

The right environment doesn’t just support connection; it unlocks it.