Hold onto your dreams lightly.

There is a duality between desire and reality. When we set goals, especially big ones, there is a real chance we may not realize them.

Is this a reason to change or let go of the goal? Is this a sign that we should efface or mutate the desire?

You won't like the answer: sometimes yes, sometimes no. There is a skillfulness both in determination and adaptability. Sometimes it's worth being relentless in our pursuit of an outcome, and sometimes it's wiser to change our relationship to the goal.

There is another way too: holding onto the goal lightly while pursuing it full-heartedly. Perhaps the highest level of skill and wisdom in goal setting is expressed in this duality. When we can be happy dying on the road to our goal, even if we never achieve it, we have struck the balance.

This balance is elusive. It's easier to loosely pursue a goal if you know there's a good chance it may not happen, or that a large part of realizing it is out of your control.

Do you want to find the person of your dreams and marry them for happily ever after? Do you envision a joyous family with loving children? Great, that's a worthwhile dream and pursuit.

And yet, we don't know what could happen with our partner or our family. Our partner could become very sick. They may have a breakdown that leaves them angry, bitter, and no longer a suitable partner. Our children could have serious illnesses that make our role as parents caretakers for the rest of our lives. Or we may simply never find someone we deem suitable to create a partnership or family with.

Those possibilities and risks are worth taking into consideration. They're part of the balance and skillfulness in goal setting and dreaming. Having our eyes wide open to the realm of possibility—the risks of reality—is an expression of wisdom.

I am not here to judge whether or not someone decides to abandon a goal because of the risks. That is a valid approach.

But I believe that we can pursue those dreams and also readily accept that they may not turn out the way we hope. We can still be happy knowing that we pursued our dreams, leaving no stone unturned according to our capacities.

If we hold onto our dreams lightly, inviting in the possibilities outside our limited imagination, we can strike the balance between pursuit and acceptance. The space in between is where we can find contentment and wisdom in following our dreams.